


Personality Not Guaranteed

by handschuhmaus



Category: Back to the Future (Movies), Red Dwarf, Star Wars - All Media Types, They Might Be Giants (1971)
Genre: (and some others), (but he's less iffily behaved than ours), Crack, Excessively Absurd, GFFA James Bond analogue, Gen, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy References, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, James Bond References, Jedi Mind Trick, Late Night Writing, Palpatine is creepy-but-nice like Four, Plagueis's horoscope really should warn him away from the wine, Rule 63, Supermarkets, The Point Of View Gun is incompatible with holograms, Time Travel, and spilled buttermilk come to think of it, aro-ace Luke Skywalker, at least the first few bits, candy vampire teeth, corn smut | cuitlacoche and the production thereof, dubious characterization because it's ridiculous, everyone is pretty much 12 years old though not literally, excessively literal interpretations, garlic fight!, guavas, gull wing doors, jars of caviar on the floor, mad scientist!Doc Brown, no one is really evil, no well yes I can I'm so absurd, overload in the holographic reality matrix, patently ridiculous sales, possibly sinister grocery employees, spilled grain, think a mix of the Third and Sixth Doctors, too many levels of holograms!, who Lucy kinda hero worships/has a squish on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-24
Updated: 2014-08-25
Packaged: 2018-02-14 16:05:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2198094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handschuhmaus/pseuds/handschuhmaus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An absolutely absurd romp through the grocery store with Star Wars characters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Personality Not Guaranteed

**Author's Note:**

> In case it wasn't obvious, this is a completely ridiculous crackfic. (...I think there's a Rimmer quote regarding the notes he wrote on himself that could be appropriate...)
> 
> I should note that  
> -It's been a while since I watched the TMBG movie (and B2tF actually)  
> -I've only seen very early seasons of Red Dwarf, and so it is vaguely set then. There's only a remote chance I've seen any of Season 3.
> 
> ...and, while I don't want to blame pileofsith for my extreme absurdity here, I'm pretty sure the image in my mind of Palpatine tossing around bulbs of garlic was inspired by her Advent sketch of the Emperor and Force lightning snowballs.

Obi-Wan mind-tricked them into the supermarket after hours (or so they thought) solely because Anikaa had bet her Master they couldn't (or wouldn't, Leia fumed and Holly agreed) As far as Lucy was concerned, she didn't think any of this had been a good idea--not disobeying the bright yellow note warning them, with five exclamation points (!), not to exceed 88 KPH; not shooting Force lightning at the strange speeder; and most certainly not Anikaa mind-tricking that mad scientist into immediately feeding her dog and all the other dogs in the neighborhood. (where was she going to get dog food, Mom?)

* * *

"What are you doin', Holly?" Lister asked, preparing to shove one last glob of rapidly congealing and frankly unappetizing oatmeal, dripping with syrup that was almost but not quite entirely unlike honey, into his mouth. He asked because some frankly alarming things were happening to Rimmer's hologram, including a perplexing insistence that he should go swimming ( _was_ going to) in a vat of chicken broth after donning a ready-made giant daisy costume in eye-searing and inaccurate colors, the origin of which Lister could not explain and Holly even seemed to draw a blank, if that was what you called categorically refusing to acknowledge its existence. Of course, he supposed it _was_ holographic, but had Rimmer really had any such hitherto unanticipated urges to do utterly absurd things? "Helping two sisters communicate," Holly answered him in a preoccupied manner, appearing on the display to have donned a jewel encrusted turban. But the Dwarf's computer had taken so long that Lister now had a mouth very full of oatmeal.

"Sisters, huh?" he managed after swallowing his oatmeal, intrigued at the idea of some company (any company!) besides Rimmer.


End file.
